I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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