I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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