He uses pillows to masturbate.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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