I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
