I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
