UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
