So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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