just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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