nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
