I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
