I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
