think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
