the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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