so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
