Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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