can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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