all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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