coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She even gives head with a lisp.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
