I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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