How'd it feel making her break her religion?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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