Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Randomize
