Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
