his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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