why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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