is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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