Christians are straight up FREAKS
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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