Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
