Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
