What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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