omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Small penises have feelings too.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
