I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
