I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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