so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
