Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
