haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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