He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
He has the fingertips of a God
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