Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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