now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
