I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
