Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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