I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
whose parrot is this?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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