you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
two words: eviction party
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
