I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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