I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
