Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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