I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
