dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
