Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
