the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
