Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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