I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
