I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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