Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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