are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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